Since nobody ever reads this anyway...

I remember making a pact with you some time back. It was about not dying without the other. Basically if you die, I die too.

I'm not sure if you still remember it but still. If you really do, I'm hoping you'll forget about it.

I won't survive to graduate from university. I can't deal with the idea of growing up. You're probably thinking that you should knock more sense into me (well you were always the one with more common sense anyway) but I'm 85% sure of what I'm gonna do.

Yes, I'm saying I won't hold up my end of the deal.

You shouldn't be too surprised, really. It's been pretty obvious since what, p6? I'm terrified of growing up. And with growing up comes even more issues. Even more issues would just make me an even bigger bitch and I don't like being a bitch.

If I could, I would want everyone to remember me the best they can. Probably at one of my happiest times. So what better time than at 21?

The only thing stopping me from doing so now is dad. I can't just leave him alone in this world. I'm really sorry but I don't quite know what to do. I don't want to live on yet I don't want to abandon him. I'm hoping this thing just wears off gradually, I don't like feeling like this.

Back to the point. I'm not gonna hold up my end of the deal but please bear with me, I'm hoping you do. I don't want you to leave with me. You have a bright future. Remember that.

I just don't want to see you dead. I'm not worth it, but you are. Promise me you'll live on.