The Valerie Guide for Dummies.
1. You do not poke Valerie. Under no circumstances should you poke her. The Valerie is fitted with an eliminate-all mechanism that is triggered by pokes.
2. Valerie is prone to mood-swings. Very prone. In order to prevent such violent mood-swings, chocolate is highly advised.
3. Valerie is not emo. She is not sweet. She is not rapper. She is just another f*cked-up girl with an addiction to chocolate and coffee. So please do not stereotype her.
4. Valerie hates smokers. Her mission is to burn smokers with lit cigarettes.
5. Valerie's favourite phrase is "srsly." She will work "srsly" into every third sentence that comes out of her pottymouth.
6. Valerie likes alt rock, not punk rock, not heavy metal, not bubblegum pop, not country. Alt rock.
7. Valerie eats. A lot. If you ever go out to lunch with Valerie, eat faster than her. Or she would steal the food off your plate and pretend nothing's wrong.
8. You cannot out-swear Valerie. It is just not possible.
9. Valerie is paranoid. Do not frighten her or she would latch onto your arm with her death grip and wail loud enough for the whole of Ontario to hear.
10. Valerie has plenty of pink clothes. She never wears them.
11. Valerie reads fanfic, novels, basically a lot of fiction. Which also means she reads lies.
12. Valerie likes to analyze people, things, anything. When she is bored, she will listen to music and create an elaborate music video. When she can't sleep, she will count sheep and think up a sad sob story for each and every sheep.
13. Valerie cries a lot. She is a total marshmallow and will cry at sad videos, sad movies, sad stories. She even cries at roadkill.
14. Valerie wants to dye her hair light brown with light blue streaks when she graduates from jc. Or flaming-red a la Allison Iraheta will do just fine.
15. Valerie doesn't like stereotyping and she's trying not to live a life of that.
16. Valerie will scream at you if you tell her that gay people deserve to die a horrible death and are going to hell.
17. Valerie's dream is to become an actress. Theatre actress. She loves the theatre.
18. Valerie changes obsession every few days.
19. Valerie loves her thick rabbit hoodie. She would gladly wear it for a whole week if she could get away with it.
20. Valerie has an unlimited supply of love. She will give you lots of love if you ask for it nicely.
21. Valerie loves Kris Allen and Adam Lambert and Matt Giraud. Within her friends, she's known as Kris, for they share the same taste in music and are both fun-sized.
22. If Valerie gets cold, offer her a hug. Or a jacket.
23. Valerie falls sick very easily, but she recovers quickly. It doesn't take much to push her down, but she always finds a way to bounce back up.
24. Valerie loves writing too. She is often enthralled by how writers create another world so wonderful with words alone.
25. Valerie wants to learn a lot of instruments. The top instrument on her list is the violin.
26. If you cannot type in proper English, Valerie will chew your head off. She cannot stand people who rant in grammatically incorrect English.
27. Valerie is fascinated with languages. She wants to learn Spanish, French, German and Latin.
28. Valerie can't take compliments. She finds it hard to believe that the compliments are sincere.
29. Valerie likes photography. She likes being either in front of the lens or behind the lens.
30. Valerie is frequently stoning or bored. Which usually leads to lists like this being created.