I know I shouldn't be feeling this.

Part of me wants to scream and cry and rant at you, the other part just wants to relax and move on. I don't know which part is stronger, which has more control over me.

You're my friend. One of my first few good friends in Crescent. I won't lie, we don't have much of a history although we did have fun few weeks ago.

As much as you want to break away, I don't think I can let that. It's not that I want to let go, believe me, nobody does. It's just that I can't bring myself to.

I've already lost a close friend. I'm not letting another slip by. People who know me know that I value friendship -- a lot. Like you, I fear rejection. I fear abandonment. But I should just stand strong through this.

Did you know that the friendship bracelet you gave me is sitting in my room? It's in this little box I keep for keychains and little pretty stuff. I like it a lot. It's blue. I like blue. I'm glad you're aware of that.

The friendship bracelet will be kept in that box until after the EOYs. Then I'll take it out and I'll try to feel the same emotions as I did one month ago. I doubt it'll be any different.

I don't know about our other two friends, but the one closest to you is hurt pretty darn badly. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. Just thought that you should know. The other one isn't sure what to do.

I lost the rabbit keychain you gave me and I found it again. The psychic-wannabe in me is hinting that our friendship will come back, but I'm not sure. I'm keeping it in that little box in my room.

After the EOYs, I sure as fuck hope you'll come back. The skeptic in me says you're not going to but I'm still going to hope anyway. Just want you to know that even if our other two friends turn their back on you, I won't. I'll still be there. I'll still be your friend.

I know you don't consider me your friend anymore. I know that we don't even spare each other a fleeting glance when we walk past each other. I know that you're forcing yourself to be cruel to us. But I'm pretty damn stubborn and I'll still consider you my friend deep down. By the way, will you still introduce new fanfic to me? Please say you will. You introduce the best fics.

When one of our friends told me about your blog, there was a huge wind blowing outside my house. It was close to roaring. I didn't think much of it and to be honest, I didn't know how to react when I received that text. I thought you were joking. You weren't.

That day, for the first time in a long time, I cried.

I didn't cry crocodile tears for some acting thing, neither did I force tears out. They just came. I don't know how, but they just fell.

So anyway, maybe you won't think that Becca won, but I sure do. Maybe you're not reading this, maybe you are but you just don't give a damn. Becca always wanted you to herself, remember?

I'm going to stand strong. I'm not going to cry. I may feel sadness but I won't ever do anything rash. I'm a fighter, but it's time to lower the swords and raise the shields.

Just so you know, the wind's still blowing.